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Monthly Resource Recommendation

Today I’m recommending this hilarious mini series on you tube. @howtobuyababy is a ttc sister on our Instagram community. This 10 episode show was just released in November and is totally free to watch on you tube. I think they did an amazing job depicting the experience of infertility and treatment and all of the challenges that go along with it. There is some profanity just to warn you.

Click here to watch

Have a watch, have a laugh and let us know what you thought

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Dear 2018

Some are going into 2018 grateful for what 2017 has brought and some are so ready to kiss last year good bye. You are a chance to start fresh. To renew hope and give us a new excitement. May you bring good things to those who wait!

Happy New Year to all my ttc friends, fellow adoptive parents, birth parents, and my friends who wait with dignity and strength for their time to come!

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Storming the Gates

Friends I am storming the gates in prayer for you today, that this will be your last Christmas and last time heading into a new year without the baby you desire.

Hebrews 4:16

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I pray for strength and patience for you to get through each day until your time comes. Strength that can only be explained by the peace that passes all understanding. Philippians 4:7

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I pray that even though your heart hurts that you will have joy to embrace the season you are in for what is hopefully a short while longer. Romans 15:13

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I pray that when you are hurting you will cling to him and his word and his promises and trust in his love for you, even during the storms. Isaiah 54:10

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Isaiah 43:2

Thinking of my waiting mom friends this morning. You will go through trials but they won’t ruin you. God promises that!

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November Monthly Resource Recommendation

ok I’m a little late on this one but I still want to share it for November. Since it was b adoption awareness month I thought I should share this amazing resource that is entirely about adoption.

Check it out for lots of great adoption stories, resources and info!

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Are You Ready to Adopt?

You may be just starting to consider adoption, or you may be already in the process. Either way I hope you find this helpful.

I wanted to share with you a few things that you should think about in order to be ready to adopt.
I went on pinterest a little while back and searched “adoption announcements”. I found some really creative ideas and I also found some photos that made me really sad. I have attached these photos below. You may not think they are sad, but I do and I’ll tell you why.
Adoption does not replace a pregnancy.
It does not replace a biological child. It is a different thing. It is an amazing and wonderful and unbelievable thing. But it’s not the same. You are still their mom, yes. You are still a parent. You still have most of the same experiences raising a child. When I look at these pictures below, I feel that maybe these moms haven’t properly grieved their infertility. Or are trying to replace the biological parent experience with an adoption.
You may think these pictures are harmless and cute and I wish I could look at them the same way. But when I see a t-shirt that says “adoption is the new pregnant” I don’t think its cute or a way to celebrate adoption. Never ever will adoption replace pregnancy, it just doesn’t make sense, without pregnancy there would be no children, therefor no adoption. I think part of why infertility is so painful is that as women, we feel like we don’t measure up to other women. Our bodies won’t do what they are suppose to do, so we feel inferior. So by pretending our adoption is the same as a pregnancy, well then now we do measure up. That if we have a child to care for than we can forget there was ever a problem. I don’t think we can though. Infertility changes you, and it takes time to heal and grow from that. We need to do that before we adopt.  holding a globe up to your belly and making a heart shape with our hands doesn’t fulfill our desire to grow a child in our whom. I believe these pictures are not appreciating adoption for what it is but comparing it to a pregnancy. Like as long as you have something that looks like a belly, your good. Or taking a photo holding your baby and in the shadow we see the silhouette of a pregnant woman alluding to the idea that this baby was in your belly is completely disrespectful to the woman who actually did carry this baby, and then entrust that precious baby to you
Why is this so upsetting to me? What’s the big deal? The big deal is that someone else was pregnant. And they gave you, or are going to give you their child! They have faced an enormous loss in the name of loving that child. They have chosen you to do what they cannot do for that child. The magnitude of this needs to be understood and fully appreciated by you. Even if you adopt a child from the system that has been apprehended from their parents, it is still a tragedy. A biological mother and child should be together. At all cost we should try to make this happen. But if they can’t, and adoption is the answer to the prayer, then it is a wonderful thing. Adoption is not the new pregnant. Adoption is opening your heart and your home and bringing in a child as your own, that for numerous reasons couldn’t stay where they were. Adoption will always be a two sided coin, on one side there is so much pain and loss and on the other side, so much joy and gain. When we were getting close to adopting our daughter, people would ask me excitedly how many more weeks? And I just started to feel sad, because as we got closer to her due date her birth parents got closer to letting her go. We did a hospital tour with them, and it got very real for everyone. They were getting ready to do the hardest thing in their life and the fact that I was on the receiving end of that was heavy and humbling.
Our adopted children are going to grow up and grieve that same biological loss at different points in their life and we as their adoptive parents need to understand that. Maybe we can even use our loss of biological children to help them through theirs.
I am not saying that you can’t adopt if you are still wanting biological children. You can always be praying for a miracle and still love and care for other children in the mean time. I encourage you to do that. I’m saying don’t pretend your adoption is a pregnancy. You may not have biological children and I hope and pray that one day you come to terms with that. Or maybe you have. Sometimes I think I have total peace about it and then it creeps back up. If you are going to adopt, please respect that its different, not better, or worse just different.

So are you ready to adopt?

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World Adoption Day

World Adoption Day. This is us! (Ok I might have stolen that from somewhere) Today our family celebrates the best thing that ever happened to us. Adoption. It’s the reason we are a family. I didn’t plan this and it’s not what I would have chosen a few years ago, but I thank God for unanswered prayers and for whispering adoption into our hearts. I also thank God for birth parents who make adoption possible by choosing life for their babies. And I appreciate how fortunate I am to live in a country that believes in and supports adoption. I know it’s not possible in every country.

I couldn’t imagine loving these tiny people any more, and after 2 and a half years I still have to pinch myself every day that I get to be my two babies mommy.

Happy World Adoption Day!!!

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Adoption Awareness Month

Happy November!! (A few days late) I’m so excited because it’s national adoption awareness month! I have some great things to share with you this month. I hope you will feel equipped, supported and and celebrated on your adoption journey.

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Monthly Resource Recommendation

Well to be honest I feel like I have been living under a rock. I can’t believe I haven’t found Sarah’s Laughter sooner!

This is an amazing podcast and there are tones of episodes where the host Beth interviews people from all walks of infertility. I have already listened to a hand full and I feel that I can relate on some level with all of her guests. It’s so great to know there are supportive communities out there for people who are struggling.

I highly recommend subscribing to Sarah’s laughter podcast. Get ready to laugh, cry and have your hope renewed.

You can also follow them on Instagram @sarahs_laughter

As always if you have a resource to share please do!

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Waiting Arms Community

This has been in the works for a while and I don’t know what was holding me back.

But now is the time and I’m so excited to be hosting A Waiting Arms Community support group for anyone facing challenges building their family.

Let’s share our struggles and joys and cheer each other on. 🙂

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Baby Grape

Today I’m sharing a story written by a good friend of mine about her sweet little baby gone too soon.

October is infant loss and miscarriage awareness month. Sarah was brave and honest to share this story with us. It is so beautiful and straight from her loving mothers heart to her sweet baby grape.

For my Sweet Baby Grape 💕

As soon as I knew that you were there in my womb, I loved you deeply.

I had visions of who you might look like, maybe with Daddy’s blue eyes, or how your giggle might sound, or what your tiny head would feel resting against my chest as I sang you to sleep.

 With more excitement than we could contain, we shared the news of your presence with our families. We were soaring with joy as we celebrated this new life, the first Grandchild for my parents. We endearingly nicknamed you Grape that weekend, based on your wee little frame.

But weeks later as the physical pain began, I realized that our time with you on Earth had ended. I was ripping apart. My heart was shattered into more pieces than I could count. I didn’t even recognize the person I became as the anger and grief took over. For days I awoke and rubbed my eyes in that half awake state and again felt the gut searing pain of the reality that you were gone. I was empty and nothing would ever bring you back. I felt like no one really ‘got it’.

Incredible church members, friends and family surrounded Daddy and I with hope and love, and other women shared their stories of deep loss, and great joy as they conceived again. Their empathy helped me on my journey, but I was not consoled by the hopes of conceiving again. No other baby would ever replace you Grape. I wanted YOU.

But our Lord, He is so good. He knew my innermost thoughts. He knit me together in my mother’s womb, just as He had begun to do with you. He held me as I cried, just as He holds you against His chest and sings over you my sweet baby. Isn’t He wonderful? He sang over me His amazing words and promises as tears soaked my pillow. Despite my real, raw anger towards God, He never stopped pursuing me or comforting me. My anger was met with silence at times, which drove me to my knees in desperation. As I searched for God in the midst of my sorrow, He healed my shattered heart and counselled me how to get through the next day. Only because of His unfailing love, mercy, and strength, I found peace. I also found purpose when I was able to help others who are also forced to say goodbye to their babies far too soon.

God only entrusted you to us for a very short time baby Grape. Thirteen weeks. Jesus promised me that you were with Him. He gave me visions of how He bounced you on his knee with all the other beautiful babies who were never held by their Mommies and Daddies.  I knew without a doubt that you were in Heaven with our Saviour, spared from this Earth.

I now dream of the day when Jesus will pass you into my waiting arms. I will finally peer into your eyes to see what colour they really are, and hold you tightly against my chest as I sing you to sleep, my sweet baby Grape. Daddy will throw you into the sky and you won’t be able to contain your giggles. I can imagine your younger siblings Jackson, Kinley and Ella will be in awe by their similarities to you, and their deep connection and immediate love for you. The tattoo of Grapes on Daddy’s arm is a reminder to me of how your short Earthly life changed us. Reminds me that you are real, and waiting to meet us. You are so very precious to us. We love you our sweet baby Grape and your Saviour loves you even more.

Love Mommy and Daddy

Thank you so much Sarah and all our readers who have shared stories and our blog. We hope it gives you hope as you pursue building your family.

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Monthly Resource Recommendation

This month we are recommending the “thriving through and after Infertility and loss”

If you have the bible app just go to plans and type the above in the search bar. This reading plan is a great resource for those who are searching for comfort and direction on their infertility journey.

As always if you have a resource suggestion please don’t hesitate to share it with me!

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“in loss and grief there comes forms of beautiful redemption, empathy, and grace”

Going through old journals of mine, I came across this one. I wrote this journal when I was pregnant with our first baby, through the loss of that child, and through the darkness and haze of grief that followed. As I read through the pages remembering that time, I stumbled upon a page that brings me so much perspective.
In between the pages of sadness and hopelessness, Adalyn drew a picture. I feel like time and grief are not linear. When I was writing about my hurt and my longing for a child, I never could have imagined that one day, the child that I prayed so hard for would put her mark in between all of that hurt.

To anyone that has lost a child, or that has been praying for one, I know your hurt and I know that pain, but I also know that in loss and grief there comes forms of beautiful redemption, empathy, and grace.

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This beautiful post was shared by my friend Toni. Toni's personal journey to her family led her to become a mother of three, a professional Doula and CEO of Mountain Mama Collective. She devotes herself to encouraging and providing resources and support to moms of all stages. You can follow her at @toni.mmc or visit MMC here

Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing this with us Toni.