My Identity is Child, not Mom


I have always wanted to be a mom. Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted babies. I never wanted to play with barbies only baby dolls. One time, my little friend that I played with got twin dolls and I was so jealous! She had two doll strollers and two doll cribs and I only had one. As soon as I was old enough I started babysitting for my whole town. Then I became an au pair and Lived in France taking care of three small children. I couldn’t get enough of kids, I loved them so much. Everyone always told me I was so good with kids and well you get the idea.

Then I got married and we decided we would allow God to bring children into our family as soon as he wanted to. So we stopped preventing pregnancy and we hoped it would happen very soon. It didn’t happen the first month, or the second, or the tenth or four years later. I couldn’t understand why God wasn’t giving me children. He was giving them to other people,  who to me didn’t seem to be as “great with kids” and people who weren’t planning on it and some who didn’t even want it! at least at first. How was that fair? They don’t even want it!! I want it God! I’m over here! Don’t forget me!

I couldn’t understand why he made me to love children so much but yet he wasn’t giving me any. I always thought I would be the one with kids, the super mom, soccer mom. It wasn’t until recently that I felt the Holy Spirit teaching me that who I am is not “a mother” and becoming a mother wasn’t going to give me all the answers that I needed, or going to fulfil me or be my identity. My identity isn’t here on earth, it’s not in my style of dress, or my Hobbies or my titles. I could search this earth high and low for my whole life and I would never “find myself” here. Ever since I gave my heart to Christ and decided to follow him, I became his child and my identity is in him. I am constantly trying to steer my wants and desires toward his glory.

Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God – John 1:12

Whether your hearts desire for a child is given to you here on earth or not, I pray that you are fulfilled by his grace and love as his child.




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